The Interview
How being wrong feels so right.
My boss is becoming stranger and stranger, to the point I realize that he's not far from the nut house (it turned out later he had a slow blood leak in his brain) and I knew I had to find employment. I did the usual futile ritual of subscribing to the newspaper and submitting to every want ad that matched my skills. If you want a 40 hour a week job, you should spent 40 hours looking for one, except for the part where you discover that you exhaust the leads quickly when you have a narrow skill set.
So I get a call from a place for an interview. I get it set up and the day arrives. I decide to go 30 minutes early and scope the place out till the time comes. I'm in a nice Brooks Brothers suit, I've got a resume laid out on vellum, several letters of recommendations in hand, a stack of credentials, even a magazine article on the cover of a trade journal with me as the lead author for that issue. I just read a book, "Job Interviews for Dummies" and had developed the air of confidence to the point that I was going to make them convince me I wanted the job.
I follow the directions and arrive at a landfill. I figure that can't be right, I'm glad I came early. So I retrace my route and come up a landfill at the cities edge. There was a bulldozer plowing debris under and the stench was unbearable. I noticed a small strip mall type office on the fence of the landfill. I wondered, and then gasped when I realized that was the place. I almost drove off right then, but decided interview practice can't hurt and my curiosity was getting the better of my instincts.
I waited and watched the place, saw someone hurry in. I was a bit overdressed. I also noted that if they company went bankrupt, they could just push the whole building right into the landfill with little effort. So the appointed hour arrived, and suppressing a smirk I set out across the parking lot to discover the odor was even stronger outside my truck. I hurried just like the last person I saw.
The inside office has a small reception area, with little tree air fresheners hanging everywhere. The lady asks who I'm hear to see and I tell her. She asks me to wait. So I sit and look at the magazines. A gentleman comes out and says my name. I reply are you "Mr. XXXXXX."
He snaps, "One mark against you for mispronouncing my name." and makes a red mark on a piece of paper and motions me back to his office.
He asks me question after question about how I would handle a given situation. I give him my reply, and he would always snap loudly after my answer, "Incorrect! That's a another mark against you" followed by a gleeful stoke of the red pen on his interview sheet. I was failing this interview 100%. I thought, I could walk now, or I could see how far this rabbit hole of misery goes.
He finally asks, "What questions do you have of me?"
I ask, "What's the work environment like? Can I meet some of the other employees?"
His reply, "I'll show you the work environment, but there will be no talking. They must keep working."
He leads me through and everyone has half cubicles, like something out of Brazil. The staff looks nervously up and they all type louder and faster as we pass. We conclude the interview, and he says he'll get in touch.
About a month goes by, and I get a call from a lady representing the company offering me the job. I reply, "Let me guess, I scored dead last and everyone else turned you down already."
She replied, "Yes, that's correct."
I thanked her for the offer, and said "I don't think I fit your corporate culture." There was a warm glow inside me, knowing that wasn't my job and I couldn't have failed better.
Comments
Judd Garbett
Posted 10 months, 28 days ago.
I think I remember that story. It amazes me that people act like the guy that interviewed you. I can only ask why?