Bible Study
The Invocation of Demons via Darwin
When I was 13 I made friends with a classmate. We would hang out and play football or fiddle with electronics. Then one day he asked me to bible study with him. I thought it was a good idea to share a spiritual experience.
So I showed up with bible in hand. They read some passages, to which I got quite confused. Nothing they were reading was in my bible under the same chapter headings. My friend said to me quietly, "Don't worry about it, you've just got a real bad translation. Here we've got an extra good translation."
He handed me a bible. I turned to the title page and looked at the publisher (my father was a printer), and I saw Watchtower as the publisher. I had never heard of them.
I was caught up in the stark contrast in the words being read and Revelation 22:18 popped into my mind. "For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book." This worried my poor adolescent mind. Which version was right? Would they all get plagues upon them? Those crickets are awful loud outside.
I chalked that one up to explore later, and started paying attention again. Then they started the "youth" study time. They read the beginning of Genesis and had a flip chart with really sappy drawings of Adam and Eve. Then after reading it, they went around the table and asked questions of those present. The round table came around to me. First question, "What book did we just read?"
I answered, "Genesis". I thought this must be the test for being awake and paying attention. There were nods about the room.
Second question, "How many days did it say take God to create our world?"
I answered, "Six". I thought, that must be the is he capable of thought almost a trick question.
Third question, "What do you think about evolution?"
I said, "Days didn't exist before god created the heavens and the earth so God's definition of a day is obviously different than mine. Genesis addresses the 'who' question with some basic ordering, evolution addresses the 'how' question. They don't intersect except in the subject matter."
Blank stares about the room. The leader says to me, "That's a very interesting idea. Step over here to this other room with me for a second."
I stepped through the door and realized I was in an alley about the time I heard the door slam hard behind me. Then I heard this wailing and load crying interwoven with moaning erupt from the room I just left. The cacophony went till my dad arrived to take me home. He had a smirk on his face.
The next day at school I ran into my friend. He said to me, "I'm sorry I can't play with you anymore. The exorcism for the daemons you summoned took hours and I can't risk my place in heaven to play with you. You've been placed our our church's banned list."
I asked, "What church do you goto?"
He replied, "Jehovah's Witnesses."
Over the next few weeks I found out everyone who was a Jehovah's Witness, they wouldn't speak to me and pretended I didn't exist. I can just invision the evil devil worshippers scientist chanting, "Darwin! Darwin! Darwin!" dancing around their pagan bunsen burner, reading from their giant lab tomes.
Comments